Never blame the child

April 24, 2012
Wednesday morning,...

One of the things I remember from dog training at HCI is that "it is never the dog's fault but always the handler".  What this means is if the handler is giving the wrong cues or commands this will confuse the dog, if the handler is not paying attention to the dog, he will miss the dogs subtle cues that will bring on the behavior that you may not want.

Yesterday morning while feeding Jewel breakfast, I misses a subtle cue from her and just went on with the business of the morning.  It is important for her to eat a good nutritious breakfast, and it is important for me to know that she has started her day with a meal for a champion.  Jewel asked if Grace could take her stuffed animal Tutu-dog back to it's bed.  I figured that this was not going to happen since we have not taught Grace to do this, so I just carried on feeding Jewel with a short response that this was not a good idea.  There was a lot of other things happening around us with the rest of the family up.  The I noticed Jewel's tears and try as I may I could not figure out what her need was.  I had to leave for work and was sad to leave Jewel upset and resisting her breakfast.

Early this morning Gary and I were discussing the information that is on line about Aids/helpers/teachers who bully and or verbally abuse their special needs students in their class room and care.  Gary's response was, 'never blame the child.'  If the child is 'acting up' or acting in a manner not usual for this child's personality, then we all need to look closer at ourselves and 'ask what we are doing wrong.'  So back to yesterday at breakfast, .... after I had left for work Gary asked if I had made Jewel upset, "no" came the answer from Jewel.  So he went down the list until he named Grace and she said "yes" for Grace.  Now obviously Grace the good dog did not make Jewel upset, it was that I would not take the time to work with Jewel and Grace during breakfast.  I did not show respect and due consideration to Jewel's request and feelings.  This was not an absurd request and I could have had Grace come and do a 'visit' with Jewel.  This is when Grace comes and puts her head on Jewel's lap, which always makes Jewel happy.
Gary figured out the problem because he took the time to ask questions, then he discussed with Jewel why Grace could not put Tutu-dog to bed.  With time and attention through conversation, Gary was able to settle Jewel down and she finished up her breakfast like a champ.  Too often we blame the child who is not responding or acting-up.  A child with special needs and who is non-verbal or has limited speech is often miss-understood and then blamed for our lack of compassion or our lack of understanding or education.

Jewel is verbal but not like us.  She uses short words that sum up the story or request.  I/we need to come in closer to follow her cues.  She is very expressive with her eyes and face.  I have to remember to communicate with in her communicative style and not mine.  And thus remember to teach to her style and not mine!

Such a simple solution in the end which can avoid a lot of tears and drama.  Once again I see that Love is the most powerful four-letter word.

"Success travels in the company of very hard work.  There is no trick, no easy way."-Coach John Wooden