if Life gives you lemmons

5/30/11  Friday
It is the Beatles kinda morning, and it is setting the tone of the morning.
I love it when Jewel shows delight in music and I love that she knows the words and always tries to sing, she is a bit slow but she loves it.
I wanted to talk about family dynamics.  I believe we all have special needs and quirks, the more members to a family the more prevalent this is.  I am always trying to respect the fact that I have three daughters and to honor their needs.  Truthfully, to have a child that does not walk, or use their hands to self feet, this child takes up most of your energy and it can get consuming.  Balance, I am always striving to balance but lets face it this child with cerebral palsy just has more needs and we all need to pitch in and help.  The whole family and the community where necessary.  I am not saying that the other girls have any less worth or need less love or concern.  No, they are all equally important and worthy of love and help in their individual  areas of need.  One of my great burdens is how am I going to keep on doing what I need to do when the older girls are off to college doing their own life.  My husband is an alcoholic and sometimes does not come home.  There I said it, being totally transparent.  Why did I share this, well it is the elephant in our home that no one speaks about.  Well actually we do talk about it we are tired of it.  We never talk about it to others, Oh no, we pretend that everything is peachy.  It is my thorn, how can I rely on someone who is not there, someone who is sometimes there, someone who forgets to come home and take his children to an event, put his girls to bed.  It is something that is a reality in a lot of homes and if you have a special needs child you are not excluded from the realities of life.  I wish I got special consideration and a pass from God that made for a healthy family with healthy parents where special children were concerned.  It is the women of this family who have kept this unit together, since my pregnancy with Jewel I have had to rely on my daughters ages 6 and 7 to help me.  Crazy hey, but please do not judge us.  I share because it is a deep pain and in constant thoughts, dealings and prayers.  I share because I want that special family who reads this to know that they are not alone.  I have no answers.  I have found a way to keep my family together by doing it as a team, though if we did not have this problem of a Da who is some times here and some times not, I would still advocate doing family as a team.  So if you are a relative, please fill in the gap and if you are a neighbor and know a single mother/father or a family with a special child please come along side them and fill in the gap.  I want to thank all my family members and friends who have helped us.  There are so many things that we have been blessed with.  Thank you for all the rides picking up my older daughters, and dropping them off, and the constant covering of prayers.  Car pooling with us and inviting us to your parties and homes for tea.  The work referrals, the equipment for Jewel, the groceries left at our door and the list goes on.  We have lived with the feeling of shame because it is hard and feels like a dirty secret that my husband is an addict.  He is a super guy when he is sober and around.  Life happens while you are making plans and having fun and in pain but know that you are not alone if you are reading this and in my shoes.  There are seasons of giving and seasons of receiving.  Remember that you are worthy of love, your are stronger and braver than you think and always make lemon aide or lemon meringue pie if life gives you lemons.  Today I rest in the belief that God is in charge of our family and that His perfect plan is in place.