Keeping the Joy

4/13/11 Wednesday
Most days are equivalent to at least a week in our household.
I share just a moment in this blog, about something that I want to savour or a thought I think would encourage, mostly positive and productive stuff.
Then there are the peaks and valleys in between, even dark caverns, splatting into a puddle of tears, rock bottom, anger, and more as I fight inside to stay positive.
I daily have to fight fear, despair , negativity, despondence, depression, hopelessness, being overwhelmed, self-pity, the Why questions, the HOW to questions, and on it goes.
I never feel like we are doing enough, achieving enough, it is very self defeating because this is when I am measuring Jewel by some one else's yard stick.
I am told these feelings are natural, or normal. I am told not to be so hard on my self.
But I want the world for her, I want her to continue to grow in health, be educated , delight in her days, master functional movements and patterns that will help her to be more independent, speak clearer, and the list goes on.
I guess I do best in the present moments, other wise I snow ball into the what ifs?
Plans help me stay grounded and focused.
Having a measuring stick that is made up of Joy and delight, peace, hope and love may be best for me.